On April 10th, I put out ‘Here To Stay’, the first single off For Eden.
This officially kicked off a new era for Boy Golden, one that I am particularly excited about.
If you haven’t heard it yet, you can change that. This is the song, it’s also on every streaming service.
I remember writing this song. September 2022. Sitting in the backyard, cross-legged in the grass. The night before, I had played one of the first ever Boy Golden shows at the Beer Can in Winnipeg. The next day, I was having a moment of clarity in an otherwise cloudy time. That seems like a long time ago to me.
That summer was a reckoning.
The first line of ‘Here To Stay’ goes:
I’m gunna face my demons,
even if it breaks my legs,
even if it breaks my spirit,
walking round downtown all day.
Besides working on music, all I could do in those days was go on long walks, and sometimes, when we were allowed to, hang out with friends.
My studio was downtown, above what used to be The Good Will Social Club, and I would walk there from Old St. Vital, almost every day. Then, walk home. I would walk when I needed a break. Lots of walking.
There wasn’t much else to do, and I find walking helpful.
The first 10-15 minutes of a walk, my mind is moving around, thinking thoughts. After 15-20 minutes it starts to settle down. After an hour, I can be completely lost in the walk, in a new idea, or in my surroundings.
Most artists, working in any medium, agree that walking is helpful.
“When we walk, the two halves of our brain converse” - Julia Cameron
As I said, I was reckoning. Reckoning with myself, and the world around me.
For Eden was born out of self-exploration. Particularly, the exploration of parts of me I didn’t like to look at, and didn’t want to show others.
In 'Here To Stay’, these parts are represented by The Bluebird.
Actual bluebirds are my favourite bird. When I was young, I attended ‘Friends of the Bluebirds’ meetings in Brandon, Manitoba with my Grandpa Goulden.
Sometimes, I would help him check on his bluebird lines - recording who was nesting in his bluebird boxes, how many chicks were hatching, and how many made it out alive. To this day, my grandpa builds bluebird boxes, checks lines, and helps run the ‘Friends of the Bluebirds’.
Then, in high school, I ran into the poem ‘Bluebird’ by Bukowski. It was spoken aloud over a mixtape I downloaded on the internet. (Did anyone else download BIRP.FM playlists religiously in the late aughts?)
I want to preface this, by saying I don’t know much else of Bukowski. ‘Bluebird’ is the only poem of his I’ve ever read. I have skimmed a book or two. So, before you ask me what else of his I’ve read - I haven’t - it’s just this one poem.
This is the exact audio I heard in high school, and I never forgot it.
In the last two verses of ‘Here To Stay’ I sing:
Gunna find myself some peace of mind,
just behind my eyes,
there’s a bluebird waiting to sing her song,
and I’m going to let her fly.
I used to let her out at night,
when everyone’s asleep
but in my dreams it’s broad daylight,
and I let her kiss my cheek.
My Bluebird is the soft part of myself. The feminine. The part of me that likes to be held, to be gently led. It is the part of me that sings, the part of me that loves, and the part of me that creates.
During this part of my life, I was struggling with myself because when I was creating things (writing, recording, journalling) I was free and honest, but when I would go back to my ‘regular life’, I was not.
This was making me depressed and frustrated. I felt like a hypocrite, a liar, and worse.
Now, if you’ve ever met me, I am hoping you’ll agree that I am a much sunnier person than Bukowski apparently ever was, but still - I longed to set The Bluebird free.
I hoped that she would sing her song, not just at night when only I could hear her, but all the time, for everyone. I hoped to let her kiss my cheek and to openly love her as she loved me.
Making sense?
This is where this song came from.
The second verse is about dealing with the daily struggles of making money and trying to live. From my studio downtown I watched the housing crisis and the fentanyl crisis get worse and worse throughout the pandemic. I was reckoning with my life, my privilege, and what, if anything, I could do to be useful.
The chorus/bridge thing that only happens once, in the middle of the song, represents the friendship and community that can be such a reprieve from all this constant reckoning.
I recorded this song at least three times.
So far, every time I have made a Boy Golden record, I have had a clear picture of the track listing before I start. I knew this would be the first song on the record, so I started there.
It took a while to get it right. Once I did, I was off to the races.
Through recording this song, I figured out how to make recordings I liked using just 8 tracks. In this case, I was using a cassette recorder.
I liked the ‘bed’ tracks of this recording a lot, but it really came alive when I added my friends. Fontine, Roman, and I sat around a single SM57 and added harmonies and percussion (spoons, tambourine, hand percussion) all at the same time onto two tracks. Doing this all at once and then doubling it gives the impression there’s a great kitchen party going on.
I love this song and I’m so happy to have it in the world.
Below, for those of you who have graciously become patrons of this writing endeavour, you can watch a beautiful live video for the song. The rest of y’all will have to wait until this Wednesday.
Talk to you next week! Thanks for reading. I love getting your messages and answering them. Appreciate y’all.
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